Something personal?

What i'm writing about means alot to me & have always been there. Monthes ago I felt my heart fall to the bottom of the floor. The guy I gave my heart my soul threw me away like dirt. The day he broke up with me was the same day he started talking to another girl. For 237 days I cried whatever my heart had left in it. i waited in the Rain the storm the drought for him, he would come back and hold my hand but I knew in his other hand was some one else. He went through 3 girlfriends & broke up with him because of me. I held his firstborn without him and I lost my babygirl, he wasn't there for me. He claims he left because I was needy & because he couldnt handle knowing I have cancer, & that forever wasnt promised. I swear everything I grab onto slips right through the spaces of my fingers and out of my hands. I have met wonderful people that I know have good hearts, I feel so bad because I know that I still think of him i'm not sure if I cant let go because hes the father of my firstborn